Wednesday, April 4, 2012
♥
i've always wondered how it feels like to let someone go, how it feels like to forget someone but i guess i sorta know how it feels like now. though we are still together, but this break thingy is killing me. I cant stop crying, literally. my eyes are so swollen, my nose is blocked half the time, i just cant breath.sometimes i really hate myself for being such a cry baby. i need to learn to stop crying.why am i so vulnerable as usual ?the only reason why im so afraid of having a long and serious break is that im afraid that you will slowly realise the advantages and pros of not having me around... and when you realise that, you wont want me back.im just so afraid to be alone.
im afraid that you will realise the good of not having me and all my flaws thats suffocating you. one fine day, you will wake up and leave me. i dont want that day to come but i know it will,soon enough.
i didnt expect this to hurt so much ,y'know? im really not expecting you to want me back after this break.
im so god damn insecure about myself, im lack of confidence, im lack of experience, im lack of so many things. who the fuck would want someone like me? im such a brat, i want so many things my way. i guess this is karma, really.
im just preparing myself to be independent all over again,preparing myself for the worst.
i guess this is gonna be the end huh? After 14 months of being loved, i guess i'll be my old self again.
i just cant imagine myself with another guy. im sorry for everything that i've done. sorry for ruining this beautiful relationship.
but im still grateful for all those wonderful memories, i've never regretted getting together with you ,wes. thank you for everything, really.
i love you,baby.And i always will.
Goodbye.
.
