There are so many things going through my head now,its too much for me to handle.There are too many changes in my life which apparently i can't accept.I'm tired of pretending to be happy,i'm tired of being so depressed and emotional half the time.I'm tired of ranting to people about my life which i think nobody would actually even care or listen.Everything is crashing down on me;my studies, friendships,Happy's health and lastly,him.

Happy went to the vet on saturday and the doctor told us that its either this week or next.I still can't believe it,i can't bring myself to accept this cruel fact.I hope she made a mistake.Even though i hate to admit it but he is really suffering now.He cant breathe properly,he is in pain.Should i just let him go?If i do,then who is gonna welcome me whenever i get home?He is just so lovable,i can't let him go.i knew that he would leave us one day but i just dont expect it to be so soon.I really really really hope he wont go D: please,Waffles just left only,im not ready for another blow.The sight of him lying on floor,gasping for air is already making my heart ache.

As for him, i really have no idea whats going on now.It seems like everything that happened a few months back is being erased.I'm just an ordinary girl.I've tried my best but nothing seems to be working.He is always the cause of everything and at the same time,he fixes everything.Everytime when im determined to forget him ,he would just pop out and be nice to me.And when he is done leading me on,he would just turn around and leave.I know i may be too sensitive but this is really how i feel.I've never liked someone so much before and i have no idea why i picked him.He is not the best looking guy on earth,his attitude ain't that great,he is annoying(okay,actually most of the guys are annoying to me,so yeah) and a lot more flaws.He is just not an ideal guy.But it seems like,he is the only exception i can and will make.
I have no idea what i want now; to forget him and move on,continue trying or just let him know?but dude,i'm a girl-.- see,this is the reason why i wanna be a guy,so i can initiate all i want.
sometimes,he would make me feel like as if im not good enough for him or too ugly for him.He makes me feel ugly,both inside and out.I'm always prepared for the worst,but this time,i think i can't.For him and Happy.
I hate myself for trying.it was a mistake.i shouldn't have made him my friend,i wasnt even so into him when i first saw him.I just treated him as some random eyecandy on my list.If time can be rewound,i would rather not know him as a friend.Then i wouldnt be suffering on my own now.
sometimes,i really wonder if he knows about my feelings towards him but yeah ,whatever.I dont care anymore.I'm gonna try to forget him all over again.and if i cant,i will be back to rant.